＂我不在的话，你会怎样？＂
＂不知道.. 应该会哭死吧＂
＂你一个人睡觉时，会想到没人吵你抱她睡觉..
你看到你房间的门- 每次都要你起来锁
看到你房间的窗- 每次她都会吵我买窗帘..＂

我开始掉泪了

＂看到卓上的蜡烛- 跟她一起买的
看到床上的花椰菜- 不用说了..＂

声音开始抖了..
停了一下..

＂看到天花板上的灯- 她一直说丑，要你换
看到地板- 她头发都会掉满地＂

又停了一下..

＂看到床头- 每次摇到都很吵.. 哈哈＂

＂衣柜上摆着的东西- 她好不要脸，越带越多东西来
看到电视- 想到我们一起吃东西时看电视
看到软木版- 我们的照片，圣诞卡＂

泪越掉越多..

＂我送你全部的杯......＂

说不下去了..
抱你好紧
我在哭什么？
无聊
假设性的东西也想的得那么真

＂我不在了你会很想我吗？＂
你说＂废话＂

抱更紧了
我想一辈子都留在你身边
想了泪又来了

可是抱着你哭..
好幸福

＂真的吗？＂
你又说＂废话当然啦＂

现在想回..
是我猜错了吧..
你当时是什么心情回复的
你现在忘了吗?

还是人用远都要等到真的不在了
才来后悔

我在现在哭什么啊？
因为你没哭吗？

＂我不在的话，你会怎样？＂
＂不知道。应该会哭死吧............＂

I remember

We both snuggled in bed
Ready to fall asleep
"baby hug me"
"but so uncomfortable i cannot sleep!"
You did anyway
Everything felt so right
I thought to myself
"I think this is it"
The boy I love so much
Falling asleep next to me
Arms finally around me(after so many nights of telling him to hug me to sleep)
It's finally the weekends
After 5 nights of saying how much we missed each other
Another week of non stop drilling at training
My mind is tired
My body is tired
My emotions are on a roller coaster ride
Doesn't matter
We're right here
Falling asleep together
It's finally quiet
Finally peaceful
Then I thought
"what if one day.. What if he gets tired one day.."
No you wouldn't..
"but what if.."
I turned around
Hugged you tighter
To feel your existence
To remember?
So if you were to leave one day I could close my eyes to remember?
"no he wouldn't leave"
"but what if.."
I started to cry
Everything was overwhelming again
"baby don't leave me?"
Emotions up n running..
You said "why r u crying?"
I don't know..
Why am I crying..?
But it got worse
I whispered
"baby I love u"
I hugged u tighter
U kissed me
On my forehead..
"I love u too"
And wiped my tears

Now..
Why am I crying..?
I don't know..
Maybe I do..

I love you.
But I don't hear your voice anymore..
Maybe this is why.

They asked if it was worth it fighting for someone who doesn't give u any more attention

Honestly..
I don't know.

Reasons to go on are wearing thin. But I guess I still have my make believes to hold on to.

I don't know anymore..

U know what would make everything perfect?
You.

I tell everyone about us.
I talk as though time stood still.
About all things happy.
I was so happy talking about everything.
Everything about us.
And it felt so real..
Like nothing changed at all.
They were envious.
Of how we loved each other.
But when my stories ended..
My heart sank. Cringed.
My smile turned weak
I don't know if I'm lying to them..
Am I? Everything did happen..

I just can't bring myself to say the ending.
To say what became of us
To say we're..
Say we're over
We're not... Right?

You're the only thing on my mind all the time.
The more I think about you, the more I hate myself.

Please don't forget me..

好多话你都好像不想听我说了

我还是一样
去到哪里都很想你在我旁边
看我看到的一切
你会比我兴奋多了

这里很美
真的很美
可是我宁愿看着你
就什么都不做
看着你

我不想这样

今天你连说爱我都说不出
发现你好像真的不爱我了....
怎么可以那么快!!!! @@

你说没办法让自己回到我身边
不可以再多后悔
可是真的好怪自己没好好留在你身边
开始很害怕
我们不会真的没希望了吧...

5分钟

那么小的要求都被你拒绝
真的有那么不想跟我说话吗？

为什么....

其实发现自己错过你后
对你好时已经不会觉得自己笨

只是有时被你推开时
心真的有点痛

Today it suddenly hit me that letting you go was one of the worst mistakes I have made in my life.

Another one was not loving you more. 

One more for being so self absorbed. 

Maybe one more for always asking for more. 

I have been fighting the urge to call, text or contact you in anyway for about 20 days now. 

I missed u so much.

That explains the times I gave in and texted you. Quite a few times actually.. :/

For a good 300 over days, you've been a part of my life, a part of me, a part of everything.

Everything I do. Everywhere I go.

We've been there. Done that.

I just wanna turn back time..

I want us to be happy. Happy together again. 

Xiao yi called me from London today. She asked how am I. How are you. How are we.

I told her we're happy. 很幸福.

Then a part of me died. 

I miss you.

I just can't get you out of my head

Today and maybe every other day:

I woke up at 9am
(He told me he love the feeling of waking up early. I miss waking up to his sleepy face)

Checked my phone
(No good morning biiii)

I sat up and played with Gucci.
(This would be the time he down a bottle of water in 2 seconds)

I got up to wash up.
(The spongebob toothbrush.. He never liked this)

The weather was good.
(He'd love the weather)

Too lazy for any breakfast.
(But he said breakfast was the most important meal of the day)

Watched Tv.
(We'd sit in front of the tv and have breakfast in bed at this time)

Sat in front of the piano.
(Why can't I remember the songs I learnt so hard for him)

iPad.
(We used to call it paddy)

YouTube.
(Every song made me think of you)

Removing my nail polish.
(He used to do it for me)

Mirror.
(A photo of us)

Board.
(A photo of us)

Checked phone
(None of the notifications had ur name)

Constant reminder to self for the rest of the day: Find something to be happy about. Find something to keep u off my mind.

Reminisce by accident.
(You. You. You. You.)

Leaving the house
(Does he think of me whenever he sees the panda?)

Waiting for my friend at the carpark
(Why was I so impatient with him then?)

Everything I do. You're always in my head.

你曾经是我的每一天

今天..
我们说分手的第28天
从你爱我那最后一晚的第10天

我们在一起后的第300多天
今天..
又是没有你的一天..

其实没有你的每一天

也只是没有意思的多一天..

I miss being with you
I miss knowing u'll always be there when I needed u
I miss how u'll always listen to whatever I have to say, whatever that comes to my mind
I miss how I thought u will always be able to tolerate my nonsense because u loved me
I miss feeling assured whenever u hug me to sleep
I miss giving u kisses as n when I like
I miss how u'll smile n tell me u love me too
I miss telling u I love u
I miss fighting with u
I miss how u'll always let me win
I miss feeling how much I mean to u whenever u give me hugs n kisses
I miss the old u
I miss us
I miss holding ur hands while u drive

I miss telling u off whenever u sing a different song at the same time

I miss everything we were.

Do u?